This post, like all of my blog posts, is coming from the heart. I might only be 22, but I've experience a variety of feelings and experiences when it comes to love. After much research into my past and online, I have complied a list. A list of the different signs that you are in a bad relationship. You can read these signs and I know some of you will doubt it and think you're relationship is fine. But, we have all been in the "relationship bubble" where you don't believe what others think or say or you may be obvlious to the obvious signs. I learned the hard why by proving myself wrong that it could work out, however it didn't. But that's ok, I know I've come out of that situation a different and better person. Now, I can look back, open up and share some of my signs with you. Please note, some of these I haven't personally experienced and some I have. I did research into this topic and compiled a list based on my research. (Sorry, I sound so academic)
Number One- Trust
Trust, in any relationship, is beyond important. A stable relationship cannot function without trust between two people. It isn't something that can magically form when you first meet someone, it does take time. It's ok not to trust someone straight away but as long as you work on being more comfortable with the person, figuring out who they are as a person and then finding yourself in a trustworthy situation. There is nothing worse than feeling jealous or afraid to be in a relationship. You can believe what they say if they won't cheat or whatever and you need to take that step to say "Ok, I believe you". But, don't say it if you don't feel it. If this process does take too long, as in over several months and you don't feel comfortable, talk to your partner. Be honest and say you don't feel you can trust them and try to come up with a solution, never play along.
Number Two- Emotional Support
Support is vital in any relationship, whether it is family, friends or love. In relation to love, your partner is ideally to be there for you. They are meant to be that one person you should feel comfortable talking to, regardless of topic. Again, this might not happen for some does as it does tie into a trust thing. You should never feel like you can't talk to them, even if it is got to do with them. Relationships are a two way street and it involves a lot of work to maintain a strong and healthy relationship. In order for this to work you need to be able to not only be there for that person but let them be there for you. It's important to never feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk to them. They will want to be there for you, but let them be there for you.
Number Three- Disapproval of Others
When you're in a, let's call it a "relationship bubble", you tend to not listen to those around you who know you the most. Some relationships, unfortunate ones, can break due to the people outside of the bubble trying to get in. Your family and friends are the people that know you better than anyone, whether you doubt that or not. They are the ones that will notice that you have changed, and sometimes it's not in a good way. Don't push them away because of what you think they think- it's what they know. They will be there to pick up the pieces if something bad happens but don't let it go to that stage. If you start to notice things and that you know things are changing and not in a good way, be brave and take the risk to step away. I know, easier said than done, but you will be thankful if you do it sooner rather than later.
Number Four- Controlling
A partner in a relationship become a great influence in your life. When you spend so much time with them, you learn to do things in different ways and you do bring both of your lives together. It is wonderful to learn things about them or how they do certain things. But, don't let them control you. Just because they do things a certain way, it doesn't mean you have to too. They can try to influence you to do what they think is right. However you have your own morals and way of doing things, why change them completely? I know this sounds crazy, but don't let someone treat you like a puppet. Try and do things your way and in your own time.
We also make so sacrifices when it comes to relationships like giving up our Friday night out with our gals/guys to spend it with our loved one. However, you shouldn't feel you have to do everything with your partner. Your partner does become somewhat a big part of your life but you should never forget the other people who have been with you for so long like your friends or family. They are the people who know you best and want to spend time with you too.
Number Five- Miserable
Ok, I am stating a very obvious point but I feel it has to be said. At the start of relationships, we have what is known as the "Honeymoon" stage and it is great. But after some time that can fizzle out. Any relationship can go through its dry patches where it might not be going well. People say that fights can make a relationship stronger. But really, how many fights can you take? If you feel like you are having the same argument over and over, why would you stay in something that is making you miserable? I know it can be hard because you want to be with that person so much and you think it could work out as things can get better over time. Don't waste your time unless you genuinely feel it can better. There are people somewhere out there who might be more suited for you and it's ok to be scared and take the risk and say you want to leave things.
Number Six- Ashamed
Never be ashamed to be with someone, or never allow your partner to be ashamed of you. This is sort of a sub point off the point made above. I think I say it a lot, but I mean it - love who you want to love and be who you want to be. You are human( unless you are unicorn like me) but you can love anyone and I mean anyone. You should never be afraid to show or tell anyone who you are in a relationship. You are attracted to someone for a secret, so why would you or your partner be ashamed of that. I understand you might want to keep it a secret for a little while and enjoy it being between just the two of you. However, don't keep it a secret, for lets say, years? Why wouldn't you want to tell anyone how happy you are with someone. Or, are you secretly not happy?
Number Seven- The C word
I know when you're angry with someone and you want to call them the C word, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about cheating. It is the one thing, out of everything, that can really break up a relationship. It doesn't matter what kind of cheating it is, cheating is cheating. If you have cheated, confess and don't keep it bottled up from your partner. You need to think about it in their eyes. If you have been cheated on, it's ok to forgive them, but would you let yourself live with the fear that it could happen again? If it happens several times, then there is a serious problem. A relationship is where you want to be with that one person and no one else. If you are looking elsewhere, is the current relationship worth destroying?
Number Eight- Independance
People tend to see couples as one whole person and not as two, which is unfortunate. You should be able to define yourself as two people and not just one. When you get into a relationship, people can assume you do everything together, think about things together. But, you've lived your life already being just you, so why be known as a couple and not the person you've been all this time? It's important to feel independent when you're in a relationship. Relationships have the element of depending on the other person, but you need to remain independent. I say this because if worst comes for worst and the relationship ended, you would need to build your independence and confidence up all over again, essentially finding yourself again.
There are only some signs that I wanted to highlighted that I've researched/experienced. However, the list is endless. If you are stuck in some situations like above, talk to someone and seek advice. Don't let yourself be unhappy. You should be #foreversmiling.
Join in on the conversation on Twitter using the hashtag #foreversmiling and let me know what you think of this piece.
Stay tuned for more chaos,
JB
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