The Heartbreak Series: Combating "The Fear"

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind"

Okay, some of you might be think I'm talking about the hangover fear? No, I'm not. I sadly don't have the cure! In relation to the heartbreak series, it will mainly discuss heartbreak of relationships. But, I do hope to broaden the series by talking about the other type of heartbreaks we can have.

This post will discuss about to deal with seeing an ex partner. Let's not sugarcoat it, it is really difficult. Again, this post will be from my own experiences, watching people around me and also research. But, from either view it is hard to see your ex, you have to look at them in a different way and naturally feelings will still be there. This is in both cases where you ended good or bad. We all want to show our ex's that we are ok and having the time of our life. But, it is okay to be honest and admit you're not doing ok. You aren't expected to be on cloud nine after a break-up, regardless if it's a week or a year after. There is no set rule or length of time you have to be "over" someone.

This isn't a post that will discuss how to get them back or show them how great you are. Like, I believe it's a stereotype that people want to like approve their appearances and all that to try and win back their ex. I don't believe you should ever have to. Unfortunately, they had time to see the person that you are and it didn't work. You can't like or please everyone and I feel its a society thing where we feel we have to get "likes" and "retweets" to boost our confidence. You don't need them to "like" a picture of you. You need to be happy with yourself instead of relying on someone to make you happy.
                        
So, here are 5 things to keep in mind and maybe help you in some way.

1. Accept the past

When dealing with the initial break-up, you might look around you and feel everything around you reminds you of them. Whether it be a song, a place you visited together or a picture of the two of you in your room. Even thinking about it, I still have this problem, even with my first relationship when I was 16. It hard to not to think about them regardless of how long they were in your life. They did play a strong part in your life and had an influence in your life. It's easier said than done but, you have to somehow accept it. Accept that you have to face them if you know you will cross paths. It might be crappy for the first few weeks, months, maybe even years. But, it does get better. It will get better.

2. Expect the unexpected

For certain people, you may never have to see them again. They could of came into your life through no mutual friends, workplace or college. For others, it can be a lot harder if you simply can't avoid them. It's hard, when you do see them and you feel like a bag a nerves and ask yourself a million questions and you start doubting yourself as a person? Don't beat yourself up about it, you are allowed to be upset for the 1st or even 23rd time you bump into them. I always believe you have to expect the unexpected and prepare for the worst. But, as always, think positive. It's important to keep your head clear and clutter free. If you know you will/could bump into them, prepare yourself and try not to think about them. Keep your mind focused on other things. If you think about them it will only get worse and the nerves will build up. Just realise, that they are in your life, playing a different role and that everything will be ok in time.

                      

3. Confidence

It's so important to believe in yourself. If you keep thinking negative and something could go wrong, it will. It's important to get into a positive frame of mind and feel confidence yourself. I know after a break up, your confidence will lack for a while and that's totally natural. But, only you can pick yourself up again. It's totally admirable to see people who come out of a relationship and after some bit of time, you start to see them glow again. That should be your aim, work towards the glow. You have the power to shine.

It's ok not to feel ready to enter in another relationship. When you get out of a relationship, it is ok to be on your own for a while and build up your confidence again. Don't feel you have to rush into a relationship just because you're lonely or your ex is in a relationship straight away. As much as it hurts, you need to heal and take it all in. Rushing into a relationship is probably the last thing you need. But then again, each to their own, I could be wrong. If they are in another relationship, it will be a knock, but, it's they moved on and you have to too. They have moved onto someone else and I know it hurts but it will be better soon.

On the other hand, if you are in a relationship before your partner and bump into them, maybe not bring them up. It is hard to see the other person move on whether it a month or a year on from the breakup. It is hard to judge the situation and I suppose "drop the bomb", so be careful how/when you do this. Even if they aren't a part of life anymore, it important to have the respect for the other person.

A clear sign of confidence and relief is apologies. Apologies are powerful experiences and it could really help you both. If you are aware of anything you did to hurt them or to end the relationship, apologise. They might not expect it or look for one, but they apologies are always deserved and appreciated. Even if you know they could of caused most of the pain, just say sorry, you will most likely feel a little bit better just saying it.

                              

4. Read between the Lines

When you first encounter with them, it will most likely be awkward. You won't be able to greet them as you usually would. If you think about it, you are both in the same position and you are both worried. I know we can assume that the other person is doing well, but really they might not be. Both of you are going through the exact same thing. They might seem like they are ok, but they might not be. If they come across a bit sarcastic or rude, don't read between the lines. They might necessarily trying to act that way because they are learning themselves to adjust to this new situation. So, try not to feel bitter about it, it might just take some time to get used to until you are both ok in this new situation. Try and keep conversations short at the start to avoid feeling sad if this does happen.

Jealousy is not attractive, like at all- I'm the definition of a green-eyed monster, so I know this! It's hard to not act jealous when you see them. At first, you might instantly think they are the hottest person in the world, and that sucks. But then, you might start to notice their flaws or things that you didn't like about them. But, if you speak to them, try not to act jealous if they say they are "fine" or doing great, even if you are dying on the inside. Just breathe and keep calm. You don't have to prove yourself to them.

5. Hopeful, but not hopeful

I know we all initially want to stay hopeful to think that you could get back with them. We all think we would be the better and happier option because you don't feel yourself.  We've all went to bed at night, creating our own little "get back together" romantic story. But, remember what went wrong.You both ended the relationship because something did go wrong and didn't work. Again, its just about accepting it and accept that maybe you will be happier without them. It's important to remember you were happy with them and aside from any fights or bumps along the way, you did enjoy the time you spent with them. But, who's to say you won't find someone like that, or better again? You can and you will.

Time is a marvelous thing and use it while you can. Once you are out of a relationship, you are given the gift of time, well, an extra bit- use it wisely! You can use it find and do what you want and you don't have to feel tied down. It's freedom really. Right now, I'm learning to enjoy my life that bit more. I feel free and I feel a lot better than I did a few months ago. I have all this time and besides college, I don't know what to do with it. It's a good thing really and I'm going to use it smartly while I can.

                      
I hope this any of you lovesick guys or girls out there. We are all in this together. Never feel alone in this stage of heartbreak. It will get better.


                                                          Stay tuned for more chaos,

JB

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