Love
As previously discussed, I talked about my love
for my family and friends. But there is another love I didn’t
explain, which is a romantic love. I could write this post forever on
my past experiences with this type of love but I wouldn’t dare try
to bore you. I will give you a brief overview instead.
My first real relationship was at 16. I know, real
relationship at 16 , its crazy. I fell for a guy and looking back at
it now, we were two kids that spent a lot of time together being
kids. But I did really love him. Unfortunately , we don’t talk
anymore. I guess, I just grew out of the whole relationship. We broke
up at 18 years of age and I was in the middle of doing my Leaving
Certificate exams. I did hurt him and he didn’t deserve it. I did
hope we could have been friends but it didn’t happen.
I’ve spent a lot of time since then meeting new
guys, clicking with some and not with others. I always tried to find
a guy because I loved the whole relationship scenario. I do believe
in true love and finding that soul mate who will always be there and
treat me like a princess. I know, sad right? Peoples opinions and
relationships can vary so much. People can go in and out of serious
relationships and some just hate the thought of it. For me, I always
like having someone there. Someone to talk to when I'm feeling crap ,
to wipe away my tears and tell me everything will be okay. Sadly at
this current time, I ruined that chance.
Recently, there was someone. And man did I ruin
it. This relationship was so different from my last. This felt real
because I understood what love feels like because I'm older. This
person will kill me if they see this but I don’t care, I getting
this off my chest. Once you have that connection with someone don’t
let it go. If you ever get angry or feel like you don’t deserve
them, just think about what your life would be life without them
because I certainly didn’t. I had so many chances and I feel like a
stupid idiot for ruining something amazing. A fear for me was that it
wouldn’t be approved. But I am a thinker and not a speaker and
never spoke to this person on how I felt more. God dammit if I had
once chance to make it right or to press the reset button on the past
few months I would. I will forever cry about how I let this person
down and how they made me feel was like no one else could do with
that. The 'Getting over you' process is incomplete and always will
be. I’m here listening to 'a real hero' from a favourite movie of
ours and smiling about the good times, I would fight for you. I am
sorry.
Readers, seriously love is love. Whether you fall
for a girl or guy, be proud because its love and it can happen to us
all. The lucky ones will never let go, just me. Even though I don’t
have you now, I would like to think that I could.
JB
X
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