The Heartbreak Series: One year on

"A lot can happen in a year"

As you can see from the title, it's been one year. It has been one year since the breakup I had, since the time I thought my life couldn't get any worse. It was a time in my life where I thought I hit rock bottom and that there was no coming back up. When I look back now, I've realised how much has changed, good changes. To be honest, when I look back now and try to put myself in the position I was this time last year,I can't. I think that's a good thing. Sometimes, everyone once in a blue moon, I still feel just a fraction of the heartaches, but that's normal, isn't it? Who knows. So, what would I write to myself a year ago?

Dear Jess,

Yes, it happened, it's not a dream, this is real. I know you saw it coming and I know it hurts. People always say "I know what you are going through". But really, they don't, but, I do. There is an unimaginable fear inside you, feeling lost and hopeless. I'm right aren't I? For some time now, you knew this day would  come sooner or later and yes, it came at the worst time. But, everything happens for a reason and you'll realise why.

Jess, don't chase after them, because you know they wouldn't chase after you. Is it worth all the pain, the fights and the struggles you had in the last two years? No, it's not. I know, it might seem comfortable to stay in that situation because you don't want anyone else, just them. I know you think you love them, but my god, deep down, you don't. It started of great, it did, but when you think about it, there was more lows than highs.

At the start of this breakup process, it will be tough. You have to rearrange your life and that is honestly the worst part. But first, grieve. Yes, let all the tears and anger, if any, out. You need to try and accept this change in your life and to not think about the future, but just right now. Listen to what your heart and body is telling us. There will be sleepless nights, temptations to text them and other sad things, but you will overcome it, in time.

How long until the pain goes away? It depends on what you think and how you think. I know it might not seem realistic now, but you can control how you feel because you should feel what you want to feel. After the initial breakup shock, you can choose if you want to be happy. Trust me, you can. I did it and so can you. It's been such a difficult time and you don't deserve to be down anymore. You're only 22 and still have a whole life ahead of you, for mistakes to happen and memories to be created. You can design the life you want to live, but you got to believe that you can do this. People can help you along the way, but you have to be willing to do everything in your power to get yourself out this mess.

How are you going to get through the next few months, seeing them more than you should and trying not to feel pain? It will be hard. But, you have no idea what lies ahead for you. College will be difficult but you have to keep your head down and give you final year in college your best attempt. Focus your mind what you want to do when you finish college, keep focused on that goal.

You'll think about them now and again, naturally, but you will be ok in time. Just believe in yourself like everyone around you does about you. Always remain you and never feel like you have to change.

Love,
Future You

Stay tuned for more chaos,

JB X