"It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on"
Some people will say ignore them but we can all fall backwards and give into the temptation of hoping you could get back together with them. We can get so much advice from people but we all just follow our heart or follow what seems to be the easier route instead of the pain of getting over them.
I've been in both situations; the one who crawls back and the one trying to move on. Every relationship is so different, there is no right or wrong in what you do in those situations. Sometimes, it could be a happy ending and sometimes you hurt yourself or them more. I can only give some guidance, but it always your choice in the end. It's you who decides if you have enough devotion to give it another go or choose to say no and move on with your life.
Is ignorance bliss?
As the Paramore song goes "Ignorance is your new best friend" and some cases it kind of can be. When you break up with someone, you do want to just ignore them, be it on social media but also texts & calls too. You need to always remember to think and understand why the breakup happened. Sometimes it can just be easier to get back with them because you know the mistakes and you think a fresh start could be good. But sometimes, it just doesn't work out like that. Both of you will have different views of how things ended. One could crawl back while the other focuses on themselves. At the start, it's kind of hard not to contact them because they were a part of your life and it was a routines to always be in contact.
If you ever feel here that you need to get something off your chest, just write it down. There is nothing worse than contacting them when they don't want to hear what you want to say and it could end up in a worse situation. What if they contact you? It kind of depends on the situation, if things were left on good or bad terms. Only you can decide the next step. If you do want to reply, don't do it straight away. They would expect you not to reply. You don't want to seem eager, so leave it for a few hours or days, so you can ponder on your thoughts and think about what they want and what you want.
Feeling alone
Initially, it is kind of a lonely journey after a break-up and all you want to do is someone to care. You will miss them and they will miss you (regardless if they say they don't). A temptation could arise where you want to contact them, hoping that this was all just a break (we all want a Ross & Rachel fairytale). But, it might never happen. It might never as good as it was before. It's so hard, I'm not gonna lie, missing them so much it hurts. You keep looking out your window, wishing they were just there. You want them to wipe away the tears and for them to tell you it's ok. But, it might not happen, you just have to let yourself heal.
At the start, I was pretty upset. It takes time to feel somewhat whole again and to feel stronger, more independent and more you! You might constantly think that you need to find someone straight away because you don't want to be single or just want a gap to be filled. More trouble and hurt could happen that way. It is so important to just fully take in this big, or small, life difference. It's ok to cry, it's ok to tell your friends about and it's normal to feel like nothing could get any worse. If you're feeling like this, if only I could grab you and tell you it does get better and that you will feel happy again. I promise.
Stronger than yesterday
Continuing on from my last point, I can't emphasise enough how much better it really get. I'm not saying that it took me a week or a month to not feel a dark cloud over me. It does take time, whether it be a few weeks or a month. Everyone deals with it so differently. For me, it took a pretty longer time, longer than I thought. It was hard and sometimes it kind of is. Even though we shouldn't look back, it's ok to look back and see how far you've come.
When I look back to myself, lets say 6 months ago, I was still moving on but still hurting. If only I could talk to myself back them, to tell myself that it does get better. I'm kind of lucky that I had college, work and my blog to help me focus me and distract me from my pain. It's such a plus to have other things you can do, even if it's taking up a new sport, making more time to see friends or start dating- find something to distract you, it makes it easier. Everyone's path to happiness is different, there will be a few mistakes made, but it does get better, life does get better, I swear.
Stay tuned for more chaos,
JB
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